Heart for Orphans: I Want to Remember

In 2012, the Christian Alliance for Orphans is hosting a series of guest blog posts from respected bloggers from across the U.S. Each offers a fresh outlook on an important issue facing Christians committed to caring for orphans through adoption, foster care and/or global orphan initiatives. Posts reflect the unique perspective of the blogger, not necessarily the entire Alliance. Ultimately, the posts will inspire and provoke, encourage and challenge the burgeoning Christian orphan care movement.

Today’s post will resonate with anyone on the path to adoption. Kait and her husband David have already adopted three children internationally. They are in the midst of adopting a fourth, M, from Uganda. You can follow-along with their journey at Kait’s blog, Eventually, Someday, Maybe – which might be one of the best adoption blog names ever. Because adopting is a messy, complicated, wonderful thing in which you never know which day will change your whole world.

We are outside. Dinner is done, the sun has lowered enough to not melt us, and the early summer evening feels lovely. Dogs and kids are running around, being loud. I am spraying them with the hose. David is cleaning up the patio. The sprinkler is spraying all over the back yard. I remember thinking how happy I was.

Marley kept having me fill the back of her bike with water. I was trying to spray down the playhouse. The dogs were scared of the hose. The yard had only been mowed half way.

I want to remember that we were just enjoying it, enjoying life, without worrying for once. For months it felt like we’ve constantly shouldered this weight of not knowing when or if anything was going to happen. For months we’ve done paperwork and renovated a bedroom and answered questions. For months we’ve waited, sometimes patiently, sometimes not. For months and months and months. I cried at Christmas because I couldn’t believe we got to see their faces for the first time. I cried at Mother’s Day because they weren’t home yet.

I went to grab my phone to take some pictures. The girls were being goofy, running around and laughing. I wanted to remember that perfect summer evening when we just laughed and played in the sunshine.

It said I had an email so I clicked on it, skimmed the message until I got to the part that said our last name and “court date – August 16”.

Then I screamed. I screamed loud and I might have jumped up and down. David kept saying “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” But I just kept screaming and felt like my heart might explode. I tossed the phone at him then tossed myself at him. “We have a court date. We have a court date!”

And just like that, it was over. The waiting for answers, I mean. There’s still so much more that comes after this. But that part, the part where we wander around the house and ask ourselves if we’ll ever be done, is done. We know now when we’ll have them in our arms. If all goes well, we have a good idea of when they’ll come home forever.

I want to remember because it was so good and then, just like that, when I least expected, it got better.