In 2008, Sara Tucholsky, a college softball player from Western Oregon, hit her first and only home run. As she was rounding first base, she missed the bag. Her first-base coach alerted her, and when she turned around to correct it, she tore her ACL, collapsing to the ground. Sara could not complete her journey around the base path. If her teammates or coaches touched her, she’d be called out. If they called in a pinch runner, the hit would have been ruled a single.
Two members of the opposing team overheard the options and decided on a different direction entirely. They picked Sara up, carried her around the bases, and lowered her to touch each base, giving her the home run (which, by the way, subsequently cost them the game).
What these two players did that day defied the usual rules of competition. They chose compassion because some things are more important than winning.
The church and state in foster care
So, what happens when we apply that same posture to our thinking about the relationship between the local church and the state in the world of foster care?
To be clear, there are people who believe it is entirely the church’s job to care for vulnerable children. And while the church has the capacity to care really well for vulnerable children and families, it does not have the authority to remove children from dangerous environments.
Others feel that the state alone has the authority to intervene in cases of abuse and neglect, and that the state should remain the primary actor in supporting and walking alongside children and families, meaning the local church should not get involved. However, the state has a difficult time providing the complex relational connections that caring well for a person requires.
But what if it’s not an either/or proposition?
In communities across the country, church and state have been working together beautifully for decades with inspiring results. Still, in other communities, it feels like a struggle between two opposing teams focused on winning the fight.
So, what does it look like when two seemingly diametrically-opposed sides pause for a moment and then decide to go an entirely different direction — together?
How the state sometimes feels about the church
In many communities, the state is wary of the church. For many in county and state child welfare agencies, taking steps toward working with the church feels risky. Not only are there sometimes significant differences in belief, but there may have been past experiences with churches that said they would help, but then those early intentions dissipated into a mist of unmet expectations.
To be sure, camping out on the differences in belief will almost certainly create great difficulty in the relationship between child welfare and the church. However, when we take simple steps toward relationship, people are often surprised about the areas of agreement that emerge, allowing the church and state to work together well.
How the church sometimes feels about the state
Some people talk about the child welfare system like it’s beyond redemption. “It’s broken. It’s hurting people. It’s failing families. Children are falling through the cracks.”
The truth is, some of that criticism is justified. The system can be harmful. It has failed children and families. There are real stories, real pain and real consequences. If you’ve walked alongside someone in foster care, you may have felt the weight of that brokenness up close.
But here’s another truth: This same system protects children every day. It’s the place where healing begins for some families, where support is provided to struggling parents, and where foster parents quietly step in with open hearts and open homes. It is the same system that is helping to reunite families that are stronger because of the time and resources they’ve been given.
Certainly, it is complicated. But it’s not all bad. And the people working within it are doing heroic work in the hardest of circumstances.
If we paint the whole system with a broad brush of blame, we risk missing an opportunity to bring real transformation.
Many child welfare professionals are just as frustrated as we are. They know the cracks. They feel the weight. They don’t need another critic. They need a partner, a note of kindness, a listening ear, or a hot cup of coffee.
What if we stopped seeing “the system” as the problem and started seeing it as a place where we’ve been called to show up and help?
What if, instead of saying, “They ought to fix that,” we said, “We ought to fix that.”
An entirely different direction
Across the country, churches and faith-based organizations are approaching the government to build trust, support workers and become part of the solution.
There are three things other communities of faith have been doing — and that you can do as well — that will go a long way toward building a bridge between the church and state in your local child welfare context:
- Consider how you talk to the state.
Always remember: organizations don’t collaborate, people do. Your ability to work well with the state will be directly proportional to your ability to build trusting relationships with the people who work for the state.
Our tendency is to start right away with strategy ideas, plans and programs. But if the person you are talking to doesn’t know you well enough to trust you, then their interest in your plans and strategies will be limited. Get to know them as a person. Ask questions. Ask questions. Ask questions. And listen.
- Change how you talk about the state.
You will need to make a decision to stop talking about local and state child welfare as if they are your enemies. Yes, we know you have valid things to say about how the child welfare system has failed. Just hold on to those thoughts right now. Build trust and focus on solutions rather than problems.
Saying negative things has a way of getting back to folks, and that makes building trust with them almost impossible. Ever know a teenage boy who talked negatively about a girl behind her back and then asked her out? How does that usually go? You want to fix broken things? Good — then don’t make enemies of the primary people who can help to fix them.
- Keep your promises.
One of the best ways to do this is to start out with promises that are small and easy to keep. You can talk big vision and big results, but you’re better off if you under-promise and over-deliver.
When the state asks you for something, do whatever you can to get to a “yes” and then knock their socks off. Delivering on your promises builds trust, which strengthens relationships — and that’s the foundation of the kind of collaboration that can help transform foster care where you live.
On the way to home plate
Our culture urges you to pick a side, pick an enemy and take them out. Being a foster care advocate who represents Jesus well in our communities may require us to do some things that defy the normal and natural rules of engagement.
When we follow the way of Jesus, we consider the options before us and then joyfully choose an entirely different direction.
Want to learn more about how you can work with others — including the state — to transform foster care where you live? Check out the second edition of Until There’s More Than Enough, by Jason Weber, and start moving from not enough to more than enough in your community.
