Six practical strategies for healthy child development in a digital world

Technology is increasingly part of almost every child’s daily life, shaping how they learn, play and grow. While digital tools can create meaningful opportunities, they also present real challenges — especially for children who have experienced adversity or trauma. 

The good news is that healthy child development and technology can co-exist with thoughtful guidance and intervention from a caring adult.

The following six strategies are designed to help caregivers navigate how to lead the children in their care through the ever-changing shifts in technology.

Strategy 1: Lead by example

Children learn healthy technology habits by watching the adults around them, making your own relationship with technology one of your most powerful teaching tools.

One of the most difficult but vital contributions we can make to our children’s healthy relationship with technology is cultivating a healthy relationship with it ourselves. 

It can be tempting to expect more from the children in our care than we do from ourselves, and that approach will almost certainly backfire. Children will observe our practices first. 

It can be challenging to be self-aware in the face of the powerful and often addictive qualities of our devices, but it can be helpful to pause and reflect on the following questions:

• What are the healthy reasons I use technology?
• What are my unhealthy reasons for using technology?
• Do I use screens more frequently than I would like?
• What apps or websites do I tend to spend more time on than I am proud of?
• What is my screen use displacing? Where is it getting in the way of what matters most?

Perhaps even more clarifying than our own reflections is talking with our children and those around us. Some simple questions to ask them can be:

• What do you notice about my technology use? 
• How does my technology use affect you?
• How does my technology use affect our relationship?
• What is one change that you would like to see in my use of technology?

Even if we believe we are being careful with our use of technology, our children may view it differently. Understanding their experience of us and our technology use may offer a different and useful perspective for us to consider as we reflect on and adjust our interactions with digital technology, both for our sake and for the children in our care. Healthy child development with technology begins with us.

Strategy 2: Begin the conversation

Healthy technology habits in child development come through many small, ongoing conversations that grow alongside a child’s age, maturity and experiences. 

Very few important topics are fully addressed in a single conversation. Instead, meaningful conversations tend to unfold gradually, deepening as children mature and move through different developmental stages.

Conversations about technology do not need to be intimidating. They can begin simply with you sharing something you are learning or thinking about. 

Sometimes, a thoughtful question is all that is needed to open the door. For example: “How does it make you feel when you have been scrolling for longer than you planned?” or “What is it like for you not to have a phone when your friends all have phones?” 

Even mentioning when you are aware of your own struggles with technology and describing the steps you are taking to address them can be the starting point for a meaningful discussion. Creating space for children who have experienced early adversity to have these conversations may be even more important than for the average child, considering their tendency to use technology to meet unmet needs.

Strategy 3: Set clear boundaries 

Thoughtful technology boundaries help protect children today while teaching them the self-control and discernment they’ll need tomorrow. 

Developing boundaries for children and adolescents helps protect young people from harm and,  over time, can help them learn how to set their own healthy boundaries.  There are countless ways to establish limits around technology. There is no single correct approach, but being proactive and intentional is essential.  

Here are some ideas to consider when developing boundaries around technology to support healthy child development, inspired by Tech-Wise Family: 

• Create a standard of not checking phones until spending some time with God each morning.
• Designate one tech-free common room of the house as a sacred space.
• Choose not to have TVs or phones in bedrooms.
• Keep a dedicated alarm clock in each bedroom, so phone alarms are not necessary.
• Keep one hour per day, one day per week, and one week per year completely technology-free. 
• Try to create more than you consume on any given day 
• Make meals a technology-free event.
• Install parental controls on any device used by children, and let children know you will monitor them regularly.
• Broadly speaking, interacting in person is preferable to video calls, video calls are preferable to a phone call, and a phone call is preferable to text.  
• Put down your screen and acknowledge people when they enter a  room.  
• When out of the home, ask the question, “Do I need my phone for this activity, or could it be left at home or in the car so I can be more present?” 
• Only allow television for pre-determined community events, like family movie night.
• Charge all family phones outside the bedroom, in a secure place such as a locked closet, so they’re not a temptation right before bed or first thing in the morning. 

Strategy 4: Consider tech alternatives

Children thrive when technology is balanced with meaningful relationships, creative pursuits and real-world experiences that support healthy child development when using technology. 

We can act on childhoods being pulled by the magnetic force of technology, redirecting them toward full lives filled with non-tech and low-tech activities, with carefully chosen opportunities for meaningful technological engagement that enrich our children’s lives rather than controlling them. 

Non-Tech Activities. Technology boundaries are most effective when paired with healthy, engaging alternatives that support children’s development. Healthy alternatives might include outdoor play, reading, sports, music, art, chores, cooking, nature walks, board games, journaling, youth group, volunteering and time with friends or family.

Alternative Tech Activities. One false assumption we can make is that we either need to be all in or all out when it comes to technology and the children in our care. We think, “We may as well give our child a smartphone.” In reality, there are many ways to be strategic about technology use that enable measured, thoughtful engagement. Here are a few approaches:

• Focus on creation over consumption. Technology can have legitimate applications for creative purposes, and these will engage distinct parts of the brain from those involved in consumptive activities.  Examples could be filming and editing a video, recording and producing live music, or even using a Word document to write a story. 
• Prioritize co-viewing. Prioritize co-viewing and shared use whenever possible. Technology becomes far less isolating (and far more instructive) when it is experienced together. Shared engagement allows adults to model discernment, answer questions and build relational connection alongside digital literacy. 
• Consider single-use devices. Single-use devices can also reduce temptation while preserving some benefits of technology. Examples include MP3 players or audiobook players, DVDs instead of streaming platforms, e-readers, digital cameras without internet access, basic phones without apps, and supervised school or library computers.

Strategy 5: Build scaffolding 

Technology privileges should be earned gradually, giving children the guidance and practice they need before taking on greater digital independence.

Children — especially vulnerable children navigating digital spaces — grow best within thoughtful scaffolding. Lev Vygotsky described learning as a social process, rooted in relationships and guidance. His concept of the Zone of Proximal Development emphasizes that growth is often best achieved by small, progressive steps.  

When it comes to managing our children’ s technology exposure, a useful tool is the staircase model.

Each step represents new skills, freedoms and responsibilities added over time. At the lower steps, support is high and independence is small. As the steps rise, support gradually shifts toward less direct control and more coaching from the side.  

For example, certain tools, like smartphones, belong on much higher steps of the staircase. Children reach these steps only after demonstrating attention, self-control and accountability, ensuring they can use these technologies responsibly and thoughtfully.

There need not be a responsibility added at each age. 

In fact, much of what we think of as digital technology may be reserved for older ages. Although family movie nights, listening to music or ebooks, and having video chats with grandparents can be perfectly appropriate at younger ages, there is no need to offer email, texting, or regular computer use until much later. 

These stairs are not escalators. Children do not automatically rise simply because time passes. Some may reach stages earlier or later than others, and some may never use certain types of digital technology. Consider this map general guideline. 

Each step must be built intentionally: guided practice, conversations about online safety, modeling healthy tech habits, teaching critical thinking and gradually expanding access only after demonstrating readiness.

Strategy 6: Create awareness

The goal isn’t simply to manage children’s technology use today, but to help them become thoughtful, self-aware and responsible throughout their lifespan.

One of the most common pitfalls in children’s use of digital technology is having too much access before they are developmentally ready.  

When children lack the cognitive capacity to understand the benefits and consequences of certain decisions, technology use tends to be most damaging. However, we are raising future adults, and we also need to help them take personal responsibility for their technology habits as their capacity to use freedom wisely grows. We need to build their ability to become equipped, thoughtful and reflective users of technology.

This requires intentional awareness-building through clear education, expectations, habits, practice, reflection, ownership and predictable consequences. 

Children need adults to talk honestly about online risks, define boundaries clearly, help them notice emotional triggers and time blindness, rehearse plans for moments of temptation, and reflect on what went well or poorly. 

Most of all, they need us to walk alongside them as they grow in their self-awareness of their experience with technology.

Small changes add up to big shifts 

Most people will not use all of these suggested boundaries, and some may incorporate others. There is no one right way to proceed, but we can start with one step in the right direction for us and our children, then another and another. 

Soon, these small changes can add up to big shifts, both in terms of practices and outcomes. 

-Dr. Nicole Wilke is the director of the CAFO Research Center. 

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