How do we live a life of pouring out without running dry? And what does the answer have to do with spiritual formation?
By Jedd Medefind, President of CAFO
All ministry is a pouring out.
Whenever and however we serve another person in love, life spills out of us – and by God’s grace brings new health and life to them.
That’s true for the mentor and the foster mother, the nonprofit director and devoted friend, the caring business owner and pastor and school nurse.
This is a beautiful thing. Nothing brings a person richer purpose and joy than being a small part of God’s restorative work on earth. A life of pouring out is the best life.
But we must also know this: if we pour life out without life pouring in, we will run dry.
We’ve all seen what running dry looks like. Sometimes, it takes the form of a fiery crash-and-burn – the mental breakdown or addiction or affair. But more often, it appears subtly – the slow loss of joy in a role we once loved; the voice that used to sing, now monotone; irritation at people even as we serve them.
I’ve tasted this bone-deep dryness myself over the years, many times. I imagine most of us have. Is there any way not to end here, a once-fruitful tree now withered and barren?
Self-care vs. soul care
Here’s the very good news: our good Father desires to pour life into us. He delights to pour life into His children, to restore our souls.
This is the fountainhead of a Christian vision for soul care. Christian soul care is quite different from self-care. In self-care, we act with a deep sense that if I’m not looking out for me, no one will. We grab what we can in snatches. We feel indulgent, perhaps even guilty. Sometimes we brag with selfies. Sometimes we hope that others, even God, won’t notice.
Christian soul care is the opposite. It is not the grasping of self care but the receiving of God’s care. It bears no guilt, confident that the Maker of all things wants to pour into us. He’s earnestly urging, “Come all you who are thirsty, come to the waters!” (Isaiah 55:1)
Our role – what we might call “soul care” – is simply this: learning to receive from God.
It’s a bit like a baby learning to eat. At first she splutters and purses and pushes with her tongue, pureed carrots and peas going every which way but in. But slowly, she learns to take in, to swallow, to receive the food as it enters and spills nourishment through her whole body.
Why does soul care matter so much?
When we do not learn to receive from God’s hand in this way, a triple tragedy plays out.
- First, when we run dry, we will no longer take joy from our work as God intends. Yes, ministry can be difficult, sometimes painful. Our pouring out may even cost us our lives. (John 15:13) But – and not ironically – God intends that we find great joy in this pouring out. It’s the “life to the full” Jesus promised. It’s the pleasure and purpose Paul felt as he – despite storms and shipwrecks and snake bites – could still give thanks in all circumstances. When we run dry, we lose this joy. Our service is reduced to a long slog.
- Second, when we run dry, the work we care about loses our gifts. That end may come in a sudden dramatic quitting … or in the slow fade of our enthusiasm, energy, creativity, full presence. Either way, our work, our colleagues and the people we serve all will miss out on the gifts and strengths we uniquely bring.
- Third, when we run dry, we fail to offer others what they most need. The people we serve can benefit from all kinds of things. But their deepest need is never a program or product alone. It is a certain kind of presence: a presence that looks and feels like the presence of Jesus. This is a presence that is calm and tender, interested and attentive. Its eyes light up when the child in foster care or the former convict we’re mentoring enters the room. It gives itself fully to them. It conveys unmistakably that they are loved. We cannot offer this kind of presence when we’ve run dry.
Happily, the opposite is true as well. When we receive amply from God, we do find joy in our work, even when it is very, very hard. We can persevere, even amidst great trials. And we will offer the gracious, delighted, fully-present presence of Jesus to each person we meet – the one thing they need more than anything else.
How does God pour into us?
Here is a wonderful reality: God is always pouring out.
Every breath we take in is His provision; each time we inhale, life cascades into our lungs, fills 150 million alveoli sacks, is loaded onto red blood cells and shipped throughout our body. Atom by atom, life spills into every living cell.
This life-pouring-in happens through countless other gifts also – water and food, sleep and sunlight. Take, for example, what happens when we spend time outdoors. Hundreds of scientific studies now reveal a vast array of benefits – from lower blood pressure to a boosted immune system, better mental health to greater creativity – we receive as we experience the natural world. In one fascinating study, hospital patients with windows overlooking natural beauty needed less pain medication, healed faster, and returned home more quickly. Quite literally, life and health pour into us as we look on the glory of God’s creation.
These gifts are everywhere around us, all the time. God pours them out even on people who do not know Him. “He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.” (Matthew 5:45)
Even so, it’s entirely possible to miss the finest gifts. We can walk right under an oak ablaze with autumn glory and not even notice it. We can take in food or water or air without finding an ounce of the joy God intended for us in giving them.
Little wonder that many of God’s invitations in Scripture to receive sound almost plaintive, like a mother yearning for her child to embrace the good she has for her. “Open your mouth wide,” God implores, “and I will fill it!” (Psalm 81:10)
He longs to do this: to feed, to refresh, to restore. Our part is small but vital: we must learn to receive.
How do we learn to receive?
So how do we start learning to receive the life that God desires to pour in?
Receiving is never a passive thing. We must choose to open ourselves. It demands the release of clenched and grasping hands. Most of all, it requires our attention – a noticing that enables us to see and taste and hear what otherwise goes unnoticed right in front of us.
Throughout history, earnest Christians – eager to receive from God – have chosen particular activities that grow them in this way. These practices are sometimes called “spiritual disciplines.” That term is certainly not incorrect. They are disciplines in that they require effort, including choices that feel quite difficult at first.
But they are not just disciplines. They are most of all God-invited ways to receive more of life from Him. Practices like Sabbath, solitude, daily time with God, cultivating thanksgiving, “Pilgrim Feast,” and others are all very practical ways of learning to receive. Even practices in which we abstain from certain good things, like fasting, are ultimately doorways to experiencing other gifts more deeply. (As Dallas Willard puts it, “Fasting is feasting upon God.”)
These practices are an end in themselves – conveying delightful gifts as we do them. And they are also a means in that they grow our capacities to receive more from God in other times also. They train us to see and savor in all times the gifts that God is continually pouring out, which we often miss. The person who has been formed by these practices, over time, sees more beauty … tastes more sweetness … feels more gratitude and delight.
Certainly, spiritual disciples have other benefits too. Fasting frees us from compulsive dependence on food or other things we imagine we can’t live without. Solitude helps us confront hard truths we’ve long ignored amidst the distraction of over-busy lives.
But at their heart, all Christian disciplines are ultimately about experiencing more deeply the loving care of God – which is the most transformative experience on earth.
This is Christian spiritual formation.
As we do these things, we do not remain the same. We are not only restored in the moment, wonderful as that is. We also steadily become different types of people: more kind, generous, patient, joyful, loving. In a word, we become more like Jesus. Nothing changes a human heart more than to be loved by God and to know that we are – not just intellectually, but experientially, with every one of our senses.
That becoming is always the purpose of Christian spiritual formation, “being conformed to the image of His Son.” (Romans 8:29) Such transformation is ultimately God’s work. But, like most all that God does on earth, He invites us to be a part of it with Him – joining our feeble capacities with His mighty power.
Most of this change occurs not in any single great, once-for-all decision. Rather, it plays out in countless small choices repeated day after day.
This reality is one of the marvelous truths that modern neuroscience is (re)discovering. “Formation” is not a lofty endeavor for monks and ministers. In fact, formation is happening in all of us all the time. We are never not being formed. With even the smallest thought or act, electric impulses flow through a particular neural pathway in your brain. Each time that happens, the pathway expands. Over time, a thin trail becomes a well-trodden path … then a wide road … then a superhighway. The decision to repeat the thought or action becomes easier and easier. Eventually, we do it without even choosing, as a reflex or habit. What we did at first only with great effort has become our character – not just what we do but who we are.
So the question is never whether or not we will be formed. We are all being formed by every single thing we do, intended or not. Christian spiritual formation is simply choosing certain practices by which we participate in God’s work to form us to become more like Jesus – reflecting a bit more each day His thoughts, His desires, His character, His actions.
A life of pouring and receiving
And this takes us full circle to where we began: to the pouring out that is the essence of all ministry. Indeed, the person who is becoming more like Jesus cannot help pouring out – taking great joy in spilling their own life and health and strength into others. This agape love is not merely what they do, but who they are.
So we see that “soul care” and “spiritual formation” and “learning to receive from God” are ultimately one and the same. They sustain us in a life of pouring out. They draw us ever deeper into that life. And they sustain us in it yet again.
This will not lead to an easy life. But it is the best life: a life of pouring and receiving – all the while being formed to share the character of Jesus more and more each day, which is the greatest good of all.
– Jedd Medefind is the President of Christian Alliance for Orphans.
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Join us for the 2024 Spiritual Formation Calendar
As the Christian Alliance for Orphans’ staff, we’ve long sought to grow in these things together. We believe doing so not only impacts us as individuals, but also our relationships as a team and the effectiveness of our work. For the past several years, we’ve joined in an annual “Formation Calendar.” Each month, we explore a particular formation practice together – from solitude, sabbath and “Pilgrim Feast” to habits of thanksgiving and time in Creation. The Calendar includes simple opportunities to learn about and discuss a different practice each month … and then try it out! This year, we’d welcome you to join in the 2024 Formation Calendar Experience with your organization, family or friends.