Gratitude is a powerful avenue to support good in the life of a child and a family.
The Institute for Family-Centered Healing & Health at CAFO conducted informal interviews with numerous foster and adoptive families. Here are three insights from what they shared about practicing gratitude.
Gratefulness rubs off on others
Parents who express gratitude and invite their children to do the same increase the likelihood that their children will express gratitude in turn. Ways to do this include:
- Demonstrating sincere gratitude for your children and your spouse in concrete ways.
- Communicating frequently to your family that gratitude is a core family value and that it is something to be developed together.
- Expressing gratitude to God together in prayer.
What we pay attention to grows
As parents, we must attend to the small glimpses of good and admirable qualities we see developing in our children. Directing our attention to these qualities can help our own perspective shift toward gratitude and hopefulness over time.
Expressing gratitude for what we notice allows our children to see our sincere appreciation and love for them, and it can encourage a response of gratitude and hopefulness from them in turn. Try this by:
- Noticing — and giving thanks in your heart — for the good fruit you can see in your children’s lives, even if it is small or slow-growing.
- Naming small, tangible ways that you see your children bringing good to you or others.
Our words shape us
Parents can guide their children towards expressing thankfulness through their words and conversations, cultivating an atmosphere of gratitude. Experiment with:
- Teaching siblings to speak words of gratitude to each other. Help them see the difference it makes in their relationships.
- Having each family member share something challenging and something they are grateful for at family dinners as a way to reflect on their day.
Things to avoid as you seek to grow gratitude in your home
Cultivating gratitude is a powerful way to support the healing and health of our families. But it’s also helpful to name two potential places our efforts can go off course.
Don’t be insincere or exaggerated in your expressions of gratitude.
Gratitude is best received when it is simple, sincere and specific. When others sense your sincerity, it supports them in feeling gratitude in turn.
Don’t try to create gratitude in your children’s hearts by focusing on material gifts or rewards.
This will likely backfire, causing both you and your children to be less happy in the long run. Instead, focus on the giver: the source of the love, kindness, sacrifice or goodness. This is what will ultimately train our children’s hearts — just like our own — to be most satisfied with the truest gifts in life.
Gratitude cannot and must not be forced, nor can it be wished into existence with the fling of a magic wand. Instead, it must be tended to. It can be grown in a home, starting with the parents’ own practices.
One all-worthy outcome of gratitude
As families establish little habits together to practice gratitude and sustain them over time, they can be confident that a future harvest awaits. Ultimately, for the Christian, cultivating gratitude as a way of life offers one essential fruit: confidence in God’s ongoing provision.
Gratitude teaches us that we can rest in the always-abundant reality of God’s generosity and goodness.
Perhaps this is what Paul the Apostle meant when he said, “I have learned, in whatever situation I am, to be content” (Philippians 4:11). May we, like Paul, come to know this settled contentment, assured of the Giver’s ever-generous goodness in our lives and in the lives of those we love.
Rachel Medefind is the Director of the Institute for Family-Centered Healing and Health at CAFO. This blog is part of a two-part series on gratitude – read more about the benefits of gratitude and the research that supports the findings in the first article, “The incredible benefits of practicing gratitude.”
